Emotional BS
The Hidden Plague that is Threatening to Destroy Your Relationships – and How to Stop It!
By Dr. Carl Alasko
You’ve heard of IQ (Intelligence Quotient). You’ve probably also heard of EIQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient). But have you ever heard of EBSQ (Emotional Bullshit Quotient)? Destroying our relationships in the office, with our partners, friends and families, the hidden plague of emotional bullshit wreaks havoc on our society. And the worst part? According to Dr. Carl Alasko, most of us don’t even know we have it.

In ‘Emotional Bullshit: The Hidden Plague that is Threatening to Destroy Your Relationships – and How to Stop It’, Carl Alasko, Ph.D. sheds light on the stealth disease of Emotional BS: that is the Toxic Trio of denial, delusion and blame that we fall back on when faced with difficult situations. These three dynamics work together to distort and manipulate truth, create a delusional realty, and shift blame when things fall apart. With the toxic trio in action, it’s all but impossible to get at the heart of the problem. The result, however, is obvious – no one can achieve happiness and fulfillment. And when used in the world of business, Emotional BS can lead to financial ruin.

In his over 20 years working with individuals, couples and families as a psychotherapist, Dr. Alasko has come to recognize the same problem underlying all his patients’ unhappiness. When confronted with an unpleasant or inconvenient reality, they fall prey to the Toxic Trio. When the Toxic Trio works together, we become stuck in a cycle of Emotional BS, preventing us from moving on or learning from our mistakes.

Emotional BS’ pervasiveness in society can be found everywhere, from rising divorce rates, weight gain, and debt, to angry outbursts at work, ,loss of control over our children, and a lack of fulfillment in our lives. The solution is deceptively simple: You focus on your Core Needs, which is any behavior that advances your long-term best interest, and ask yourself the Master Question – “What do I need from this situation?” Honestly addressing the larger issue – not just n the short term – cuts the BS in every relationship: between friends, co-workers, couples, in parenting, and especially in business.

Frank, concise and unapologetic, Emotional Bullshit sheds light on this hidden plague, and provides concrete advice to keep it from infiltrating your relationships.

How to Access Your Emotional BS Quotient
Taking a few minutes to answer the following 13 questions will give you a quick but accurate idea of how much Emotional BS has crept into your life. This knowledge can save your relationship, your career, or even your life!
Answer each question with Yes, Maybe/Sometimes, or No.

1. I have a significant issue in my life that I consistently ignore, hoping that it will go away on its own. (I deny a problem exists).
Examples: a personal health problem such as weight gain / alcohol or medication use / sexual behavior / overspending / productivity at work / building bonds with my children, etc.

2. I will push ahead with a plan, idea or behavior, ignoring the advice from others that I’m on the wrong course, or dismissing obvious signs that I’m headed for trouble.

3. I have a part of my life that I keep secret, that if my spouse or friends learned about would be embarrassing – or worse. (I ignore or distort reality so I can continue a destructive behavior.)
Examples: secret addiction / spending money, shopping or gambling / sexual involvements.

4. I quickly raise my voice when I get into an argument with a spouse, partner or my children, which escalates into a worse argument, and creates distance between us.

5. I say yes to something when I don’t really want to – or know if I can actually do it. (I deny my need to realistically set limits, and therefore take care of myself.)
Examples: taking on a task over my head / going somewhere with my partner I don’t want to go / accepting another drink / agreeing to have sex / going along with another’s decision etc.

6. I find myself overcome by emotions such as anxiety, anger, resentment, stubbornness, fear, desire, etc. (I deny my need to learn how to control my feelings.)

7. I change my story about something I did or did not do in order to make myself look better. (I create a delusional reality in which I’m always innocent.)
Examples: saying I paid less for an item / or I made a phone call when I didn’t

8. At the first sign of possible conflict, I immediately find some way to avoid a confrontation. I usually shut down completely, or withdraw.

9. I’m unable to control certain behaviors in my relationships (or life) and keep repeating them.
Examples: getting involved with the same kind of person over and over / spending too much.

10. I find myself thinking about unusual or “magical” solutions to my personal problems that would immediately change my life for the better.
Examples: a financial windfall such as winning the lottery / my spouse or partner finally changes his/her attitude or lifestyle / major political or spiritual changes.

11. I quickly find someone else to blame whenever I’m accused of doing something wrong.
Example: refusing to give up my position of being right.

12. The possibility of being seen as doing something less than perfectly fills me with strong anxiety or nervousness.
Examples: doing something over and over to make sure it’s perfect / obsessing about what someone might think about my mistake / comparing myself to others.

13. When something doesn’t go right for me, I feel depressed and believe it’s happening because there’s something basically wrong with me.
Examples: blaming myself for an ordinary problem / believing that things will never get better because I don’t deserve happiness.”

SCORING:
Each Yes = 10 points; Each Maybe = 5 points; Each No = Zero

* 15 points - Mild harm from Emotional BS
* 30 points – Serious Problems with Emotional BS
* 40 points – Critical / Life-threatening impairment

WHAT TO DO:
* Score of 15 – You need to be more aware of how Denial, Delusion and Blame are creating more Emotional BS in your life – and take conscientious steps to focus more directly on fulfilling your Core Needs.
* Score of 30 – You are in serious danger of losing control of your life and your goals. Your understanding of reality – and probably ethics – is compromised. You must immediately begin a rigorous focus on fulfilling your Core Needs. (Part 3 of the book: Emotional BS and How to Stop It)
* Score of 40 or above – Your life and relationships are currently in serious danger. You are holding things together only by creating an intense delusional reality. You must make immediate steps to take care of your Core Needs, before problems get worse.